Feeling like I needed a real break on the drive back to Longmont, I stopped off to visit the Barnes and Noble bookstore at the Centerra Shopping Center in Loveland (one of the few remaining national chain book stores in the region) to hunt for some diversionary reading. There I noticed a provocative article beckoning from the cover of the Atlantic magazine authored by Kate Bolick titled, "What, Me Marry? In today's economy, men are falling apart. What that means for sex and marriage." Wow.
As I have taken a particular interest in the purported declining fortunes of men in higher education recently, I flipped through the article, figuring there would be a higher education component included, being that the primary reading audience for the Atlantic are middle-to-upper class college educated folks. And, sure enough, there was. I'll attempt to provide a basic summary of the article as it relates to higher education, as well as a brief critique and analysis in light of recent topically-related research.
The American College Campus: An Increasingly Lopsided Sexual Marketplace?
Bolick's article follows on the heels of a similarly pot-stirring article published in the Atlantic last year, titled The End of Men, by Hanna Rosin. In Rosin's article, men are portrayed as being left behind in the new globalizing, post-industrial information economy, and how this trend has significant cultural implications, including the outpacing of males by females in higher education enrollment and degree completion at both the general undergraduate and graduate levels.
In Bolick's article, the author discusses how rising rates of male joblessness and the generally declining life prospects of large numbers of males (as interpreted by Bolick, at least) are fundamentally changing the nature of the heterosexual "romantic market", including perhaps the notion of the "traditional" marriage itself. The 39 year-old Bolick (that is a picture of her above on the right) writes in a personal, narrative fashion, often drawing upon her own life experiences in buttressing her case. Citing research by social historian Stephanie Coontz at Evergreen State College and the article by Rosin, Bolick notes that there are now fewer non-married households in the U.S. than married, and that both females and males are delaying marriage more than at any time in our nation's history. A major reason for these trends cited by both Bolick and Rosin is the transformation of our economy over the past several decades from primarily industrial to primarily information/services, which has in turn necessitated college-enhanced skills that females have been providing in larger numbers than men overall. Currently, females outnumber men roughly 57% to 43% throughout contemporary higher education, a significant 14% differential. What does this difference mean in terms of the college dating scene?
Bolick answers by discussing how the increasing numbers of females vs. males on campus has encouraged the development of the so-called "hookup" culture, where casual, non-committed sex has gradually become more of the norm since the 1970s and 80s, thus neatly correlating with the rise of females in college. In this unbalanced environment, fewer men means more heterosexual market power for men, with women increasingly forced to either meet the demands of many men for casual sex, or to possibly risk being marginalized out of the campus dating scene.
Bolick tries to add depth to this thesis by sharing the work of blogger Susan Walsh, a Wharton M.B.A. and stay-at-home mother of two who has been advising young women on dating for about six years now via her blog hookingupsmart.com. According to Walsh's anecdotal insights into the contemporary college dating scene, only about 20% of college men in general (those with the highest status) are having roughly 80% of the sex on campus with only about 20% of the women (those with the greatest sexual willingness), thus leaving about 80% of both male and female campus populations on basically the sexual sidelines (whether by choice or lack of prospects; interestingly, a 2007 study commissioned by the U.S. Justice Department suggested that male virgins outnumber female virgins on campus). Even so, as Bolick points out, "the myth of everyone having sex all the time is so pervasive that it's assumed to be true, which distorts how young men and women relate." In other words, if a female on campus tends to believe "that everyone is doing it", she may be more inclined and/or easily persuaded to engage in casual sex "despite the fact that most people would actually prefer something quite different", per Susan Walsh. The alternative may be to give up on dating and romance altogether because "there are no guys", as Bolick quotes a University of North Carolina student, even though many college males and especially females still desire committed relationships, according to Bolick.
What are we to make of Bolick's observations and insights? Are they supported by research?
My initial findings did not yield much on the general topic of contemporary college dating habits and trends, but two studies were somewhat contradictory in their implications. According to a recent University of Missouri-Columbia study, college-aged females and males are 'trying out' committed relationships without a clear path towards marriage by engaging more often in "stayover relationships" that involve spending three or more nights together each week with the option to return to one's own home at any time. However, even if that may be the case, according to a 2001 survey of some 1,000 college women, the college date is all but 'dead', as only half of college seniors surveyed were asked out on more than five dates in college, and a third were asked on two dates or fewer. "Dating does not really exist," said Renee Daniels, a 2000 graduate of the University of Notre Dame. "Either you participate in random hookups or you are in an ultra-serious relationship. There is nothing in between." The survey also supports the notion that many college-aged females simply do not want to immediately find marriageable men. For example, Rachel Parsons, a senior at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, explained that she "...loves boys, don't get me wrong, but I do not want to be committed, nor do I want to get married for many, many years...I want to advance in my career, become independent, establish stable finance, and focus on finding myself before I decide to share myself with someone else". Which were sentiments echoed by article writer Kate Bolick herself during her emerging adult years.
In the same survey, William DeMartine offered a contrarian male student perspective, saying that college men essentially get a bum rap in the media nowadays because, "you can't even try to meet girls, because when you try to meet them they've already put you in your place...they already think that you want to hook up and that's it."
Another possible reason for cautious and unproductive dating efforts on campus that Bolick fails to reference in her article may be heightened awareness among females of the dangers of possible date rape and other related dating violence. In their 2002 research article, Stephanie Washington Kuffel and Jennifer Katz discuss the findings from an actual campus experiment they conducted that indicated high levels of physical, psychological and sexual aggression was occurring in their particular college setting (they also suggesting that preventative measures can serve to ameliorate such levels of aggression, per their experimental findings).
As this Bolick's article was just published, the only dissenting viewpoints I could find so far are within the article itself as posted online. Below the article are a number of comments pro, neutral and con in tone, with men (not surprisingly, perhaps) taking issue with Bolick's points more often than women. Critically speaking, Bolick does not attempt to differentiate her generalizations about college dating with respect to types of institutions. She does refer to the plight of black women in general with respect to finding marriageable men, but otherwise fails to include multicultural viewpoints within her writings, including those of the LGBT community. In essence, she seems to write about the dating habits of women and men who more or less look and live like her.
However, to the extent that Bolick accurately captures at least some aspect of the contemporary dating scene at colleges and universities, what implications do her insights have for student affairs practice? This is a question to which I would welcome the thoughts and comments of my fellow cohort members, including those who are more recent college graduates, and/or who primarily work directly with students on a social learning basis outside of class.
Wow. That blog was really well written and very interesting. I hadn't really read any assessments of the current college dating culture for a while. You have me thinking about how that might change the practice of student affairs and I am not totally sure.
ReplyDeleteI just participated in a conference that was a training/certification in Title IX compliance with an emphasis in campus sexual misconduct investigations. The fact that females outnumber males on most college campuses has not reduced the number of sexual assaults that have been happening. I am not sure if the "hook up" culture has had any influence on that or not. I just know that the numbers are not going down.
At one point you say that statistically about 20% of men and women are having sex (according to one study). Thus demonstrating that the hook up culture is not the norm as it seems to be. But there is still this issue of an increase in sexual assaults. How do we explain that?
I refer you to the Lisak study:
http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/cache/documents/1348/134851.pdf
It is a study done by David Lisak and Paul Miller on the prevalance of repeat rapists on the campus they studied. They surveyed 1882 men at a college in Massachusetts and found 120 of that group had committed rape. Out of that 120, 76 of them reported committing multiple rapes, averaging 5.8 each. That group had also committed other violent acts like assault, and child abuse (physical and sexual).
So, in my world, I am continuing to do the work that I can to adjudicate these cases of sexual assault and educate students on the boundaries of healthy, consensual sex. That is what I can do.
Thanks for your feedback Meloni. The Lisak study yielded some very troubling stats. Egregious offenders should be treated just like child abusers in my opinion and branded as such (after all, many college students are still becoming adults and are dealing with identity formation issues while dealing with pressures and temptations like "hooking up" and drug usage). Of course, defining "egregious" is still open to interpretation depending on who you listen to...but the debate needs to be ongoing.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking today about how broad sociocultural influences might be impacting college dating patterns, and one factor that stands out is social media usage such as Facebook and Twitter. As such ubiquitous media usage affected dating and mating on the general college scene?
The literature is still very new and developing, but according to blogger Samuel Axon on mashable.com (see: http://mashable.com/2010/04/10/facebook-dating/), Facebook has changed dating for the worse in five different ways: 1. The ability to constantly stay in touch can drive one to overanalyze one's relational status in obvious and subtle ways; 2. You can see all the 'action' your ex-girlfriends and boyfriends are having, thus perhaps casting doubts with regards to your current relational habits; 3. Relationships and breakups are much more public; the personal becomes public, and one can acquire the mindset of becoming a public "performer" as opposed thinking and behaving like a private partner; 4. It's a record of every dating mistake one has made; future potential partners beware! 5. Other people's comments can make your date feel insecure and jealous, causing tensions in your relationship.
According to a quantitative research study by masters candidate Jaclyn Cravens at East Carolina University, Facebook usage can contribute to relational infidelity. Per Cravens, 51% of her 109 multi-survey respondents admitted to "Facebook Infidelity", or establishing and maintaining virtual intimacy with individuals besides their committed partners, with such levels of relational trangression perhaps improbable without Facebook access.
One promising area regarding contemporary college dating is a general openness to "expanding the playing field" by being more open to interracial dating. According to the Pew Research Center (March 11, 2011; see: http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1925/elusive-90-percent-solution-gas-prices ), a projected 93% of Americans under the age of 30 (and 83% overall) now agree that interracial dating is acceptable, at least with respect to blacks and whites (compared to just a projected 48% of our national population in 1987).
Another area fertile for research and discussion is the impact of evolving religious and spiritual views among the so-called "Millenial" generation upon dating and mating habits. I am finding such research to be lacking thus far, as with research in general with respect to contemporary college dating behaviors and viewpoints.
A few years ago (2005 or 2006, maybe), I attended a session about the "Hook-Up". It was a presentation given by HESAL students working on their Collaborative Research Project. I do not recall if they ever published the study, but I tried locating it and could not find anything. They had several points that really stood out to me, several mentioned above in the blog. One additional point they had made was in regard to the "tell-all" culture that emerged during the time of Sex In The City. In case anyone is unfamiliar with the show, one of the key components is the four characters getting together on a weekly basis to share details of their sexual escapades. The show was very popular among college-aged women, and the hypothesis of the researchers was that the show opened the doors for women to talk freely- in a bragging way- about their sex life. The researchers went on to say that while, yes, the actual sex behaviors of students have changed, and women are now more likely to talk about it than before.
ReplyDeleteThis all has so much impact on Student Affairs. I think one area that would be impacted by these changes would be the Counseling Centers on college campuses. Perhaps this change in sexual behaviors was one factor in the need to expand counseling services at UNC in the last 2 years.
On a personal note...I am a little more stressed to be a parent than I was 20 minutes ago :)
Interesting post. One impact it has is higher prevalence of sexually transmitted infections. I believe the stat a few years ago was that 25% of college students (students between ages 18-25 maybe) will contract an STI while in college. The housing dept I was in previously started a campaign to talk about STI's and make students aware of the potential unintended consequences of their behavior. I think is something we can continue to talk about. Surprisingly, I feel this is something higher ed isn't really talking about a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think it is also important for us to be educating students on what healthy relationships look like.
Currently I am living in a house full of undergraduate men, which has allowed me direct observation of many of topics I discuss in my program. One of which is the dating habits of undergraduate men and woman.
ReplyDeleteRecently for our student development class we read a book called "Hooking Up" which talks about the dating culture of today's college students compared to previous generations. The author discusses "hooking up" and its many definitions, all of which are context dependent on the group of friends using the term. The author also references the concept of the "stay over" relationship, in which students today who are in a relationship do not go out on dates, like dinner and a movie. Instead they participate in hanging out sessions at one person's house, usually spending the night. My observations have demonstrated to me that the college men I see do not often go out of the house with the person/people they are currently involved with at the time. Instead movie nights or study sessions facilitate the stay over relationship, this style of "dating" seems to work, at least for the men, except when the number of people sharing a bathroom in the morning doubles due to overnight guests.